Going back a week... I had my mammogram done last week on the 20th of January. As I sat in the waiting room, I watched the pre-inauguration events unfold on TV. Barack Obama is becomming our 44th president. The whole nation seems to be overjoyed. I am watching history. I have my mammogram and go home to finish watching the inauguration with my husband (who took the day off to watch the girls for me), and my daughters Sarah (6) and Emily (4).
Today. I'm in the shower and thought, I need to call the doctor's office to see if they have my results yet from the mammogram. As I'm drying off, my husband (who stayed home because of the ice) tells me I had a call about my mammogram. Now I'm really thinking... could I have cancer? Cancer does not run in my family. My friend Stacy recently found out she has breast cancer as well as her sister, and cancer does not run in her family. I can't have cancer. I don't have time for something like that. I have a farm/household to run and two little girls to care for. My husband has a very important job with a long commute to face each day. How could I possibly go through something like cancer in my situation? I know, many women face this reality. Stacy has 5 kids and is facing this reality. I can't jump to conclusions. I get dressed and make the call. They retrieve my records, then tell me the doctor found "an area of concern" in my right breast and I need to come in to have a diagnostic screening done. Wow! I take it in stride, write down the address of where I need to go and talk about when I can come in. Now's not a good time! I guess there never is a good time. She puts 3pm tomorrow on hold for me while I figure out who's going to watch the girls. Sarah gets out early tomorrow and Nathan already missed today from a training class he's in. I get off the phone and tell Nathan. I can see he's concerned. I try to play it off as nothing to worry about. He said he's call to see if he can take off from class tomorrow. While he goes out to the car to get a phone number, I go upstairs and call my neighbor Cheryl. Cheryl lost her mother to breast cancer. We sometimes watch each others' kids. I call her and tell her the story. I can tell she's immediately concerned. It brings back sad memories of her Mom and her voice cracks as she tells me they'll pray for me tonight. As soon as I picked up on her emotions, I almost lost it. It took a few seconds to speak in a normal voice. She immediately agrees to watch the girls tomorrow while I go to my appointment and I thanked her. I let Nathan know and told him I'd call him as soon as I knew anything. The doctor is supposed to give me the results right after the screening. I'll know something before I get home. That's great. If I had to wait another week for those results, I'd go insane with worry. Now, it's waiting until tomorrow afternoon. The time of what if's and denial starts. I know I must be strong no matter what. No time to think about anything until I know what, if anything, I'm dealing with. Till tomorrow, God bless.
